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Diary

Youth – Love – Ambition

“I used to think as I looked out on the Hollywood night – there must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming a movie star. But I’m not going to worry about them. I’m dreaming the hardest.”

A letter and self-note to myself.

“I used to think as I looked out on the Hollywood night – there must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming a movie star. But I’m not going to worry about them. I’m dreaming the hardest.”

Marilyn Monroe

#Youth

Being young is a prerogative. As a young adult, I dreamed in gold that I can leave my mark in this world before I turn to dust. That I can see the felicity of what I do for livings. That I can meet people that inspire me and I can do the same thing to them. That I can make good friends with the people who love me for who I am and will always be there for me no matter what.

And that I can find love. The only person who I have the courage to give my heart to and initially build a home with. We’ll have a family with many children. We’ll raise, inspire and teach them to be a lenient person, a creative artist, and a free spirit, sincere soul. Our children will be a reflection of both of us when we were young. Just to remind us how amazing it was when we were young.

It’s the circle of life I have acknowledged.


Being young is a gift. I have so many opportunities to learn about myself. To understand the reason why God brought me to this life. To learn how to love and be loved. To be a part of someone else’s world. To breath. To live. To bath me under the moonlight and sing along to this beautiful melody of life. To listen to many amazing songs from the many talented artists in the future.


Being young is a wild journey. I’ll never know what gonna happen to me tomorrow. Sometimes I learned the hard ways to accept what to come and to live a life that is worth living for. And keep on reminding myself that everything happens for a reason. And the most amazing thing about being young is that I have that fire within my heart. To do anything I believe I am capable of doing when I reach out to the big world out there. I stopped being so hard on myself because I realized I was young and it was inevitable to not make any mistakes. Even the stupid ones. I also learn to give my heart the time it needed to heal. To not allow all the good memories bring me sorrow.

At the end of the day, It doesn’t matter how my day was. It will always be better in the morning. I’m still young and no matter what happens, I will always find me a reason to keep a smile on my face. Because life is just like a movie. You are also a writer, a director, and an actor. If you play it well, you’ll be well-paid.

#Love

Love was never easy for me. It still does. I used to love then get my heartbroken. Then love again. But I’m in no luck to find the right one for now. 27 years old and I have never been in any serious relationship. But I do know about love. I see it. I heard about it. Been through it. It’s a bittersweet feeling that each and every one of us needs in this life. No matter who you are, you just can’t live without it.


I’m the type of person who gets a little insecure when it comes to commitment. Not that I’m afraid of love. I’m afraid of losing it. You know. The reason I never jump in any relationship is that I’m afraid of losing someone that I used to love with all that I have. If I wake up one day and find out he’s no longer in love with me, it gonna be the worst day of my life.


I’m sensitive. I can relate to the feelings of other people. I can feel it through their voices. Through the way, they look me in the eyes. Through the words, they said to me. No matter how old I am, when it comes to love, I’m still a virgin. Everything will be the first time. That why I keep it. Treasure it. And patiently wait for the right one to hand it over and happy about that decision.


I know exactly what I want. What I need from a man. If he sees and loves me for who I am, I will do the same. I don’t want a kind of bombastic love or romantic love as shown in the movies. I just want real love. No flattering, no showing off. Just two souls are in sync emotionally and heartedly. The commitment will be real. The feelings will be real. The emotion will be real. He will be the treasure that I gonna keep for the rest of my life, till the day that I die.


He must be the one that makes me respect. He ain’t no perfect but must be the one who inspires me each day. He might have some flaws but I’ll make sure to live peacefully with it if he can do the same thing for me. He must be kind and gentle. A man with dignity and a big heart who can give me enough space and still have rooms for everything else that he is truly passionate about. He must be the one who shares the same interests and hobbies that we can keep on talking on and on.


And sometimes, whenever I’m being stupid or unreasonable, he will be there and give me that look to remind me of how much I need him in my life so that I’m not going to make the fool out of me again. He must be the one with ambition, just like me. He will be supporting me in so many tough paths and decisions I have to make. He will be the remedy that cures me of the fever I have since the day he walked into my life and leave a trace that leads right back to my heart. He must be the one because if it wasn’t him, there will be no one else.


Love is hard to find but I’m a keeper. I will do whatever it takes to keep my love alive once I found it.

#Ambition

I’m not a dreamer, or at least I think I’m the practical one. A dreamer with practical habits and reasonable plans.


I’m young and I’m ambitious. That’s a perfect combination made of me. That ambition inside of me keeps on growing so strong, and soon, I will be free to be whoever I want and drive that ambition to the starting lines, where I start to run to achieve success in my life.


I know what I want and won’t stop until I get it.


I won’t stop in the middle to explain how I gonna do it. You’ll see it yourself when I get there.


Marilyn Monroe is the one who inspired me. And do you know what she has to say about ambition?


“I used to think as I looked out on the Hollywood night – there must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming a movie star. But I’m not going to worry about them. I’m dreaming the hardest.”

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